The Falling Man

Inspired by the picture of a falling man by Richard Drews .


No way down.

The realization is a shock to the system. My racing pulse slows down. I think about the dinner reservation. How bizarre - I feel guilt for not canceling - as if anyone would blame me. Maybe that is the last act I will be remembered by... not showing as agreed at the predetermined time?

No way down.

The heat is increasing, I can hear the flames now. The world is oddly silent in this endless screaming roar of ultimate consumption. The wind turn and I am engulfed in the acrid burning smoke. I try to breathe, but my lungs refuse the black liquid air and I cough, eyes running. I'm not ready for this? Drowning, like a fish in toxic water, gasping for air?

No way down.

I crawl across the floor towards the exterior wall. A small blue crack of heaven. No glass. I breathe, heave, suck down the cool air like I am drinking. I see the square from here, the faceless ants looking up in horror, milling about, powerless. I hear my colleagues dying now. Screams of agony, rasping cough, barely audible over the flame. The sounds are worse to take than the searing heat.

No way down.

Fucking Hell! This can't be! There must be a way! The heat shimmers under the ceiling now - like an oilslick. I know there is only a matter of minutes, maybe seconds before the heat jump up from the floors below. To the west is a jagged mess of broken glass, bent steel and office furniture crammed up towards the wall. The fat black smoke pours through the blocked doorway and I can see flames.

No way down.

"Dearest, I have a surprise for you. Meet me at 53rd and 5th - 7PM <3" - A yellow post-it on the fridge. A promise I can't keep. I never were any good at keeping promises. Oh, the irony... I think of you - how I already miss you. I will always be with you, you know. I know you know. I wish I could ... you know ... I just wish ... to see you once more...

No way down.

I am not going to die like this! Trapped! Barbequed like a New York Strip steak! I look out into the clear blue sky. I seize the edges between the steel pillars. There is a tormenting second before I become completely calm. There is only one step between me and the abyss. I close my eyes and take one step. I hear nothing but the wind as peace flow into me, and the inevitable no longer worry me.

Father, take me

Down.

--

P.S. In NO WAY should this be interpreted as support of ending one's life by intent. This was an extreme situation - not depression, heartbreak or dementia.